His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
