Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
