Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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