I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
