you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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