1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
