I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
