he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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