I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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