I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Four minutes until I can fart!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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