I'm so fucking centered right now
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
