You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
