I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
