I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
