after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
