so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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