Girls should come with a carfax report
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
