I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
