I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
