I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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