Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
