so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
