the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
