After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
how drunk are you?
Several
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize