is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
