bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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