Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Vodka?
Forever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
