I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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