Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize