It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
