Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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