he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
