you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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