I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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