TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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