did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
