I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
