Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
