we have officially lost it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
handjob tips. give me some.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
