discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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