whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
