I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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