I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
