im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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