first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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