We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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