we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
