I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
