just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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