i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
