Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
love makes seman taste better
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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