Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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