I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
