So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
