I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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