FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize