woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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