I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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