I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize