her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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