i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
