I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
