mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
