I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
